While we were driving out to meet Heather and her kids for Donuts, we drove past a cemetery. I kinda tense up every time we pass a cemetery, because I know Sarah will see it and start asking questions, and I'm never sure if I'm prepared for her questions. Sarah looked out the window and saw it, immediately. The conversation was so sweet, I couldn't pass up recording what she said.
Sarah- "Mommy!! That's where TC is!"
Me- "He is in a place like that, but not that one."
Sarah- "Mommy, is that where people are?"
Me- "Yes. When people die, their bodies are put into the ground there."
Sarah- "And that's where people go visit them, right?"
Me- "Yes."
Sarah- "And that's where people pray for them, because they love them."
Me (getting teary)- "Yes, sweety."
Sarah- "Look Mommy!!! A heart one!" (Pointing to a heart headstone she saw)
Me- "How neat! That's so beautiful!"
Sarah- "I want one of those!"
Me (Kinda weirded out now)- "Ok!"
Sarah- "Mommy, I wanna lay next to TC, with a heart one. Ok?"
Me (Bawling now)- "Ok honey. TC would love that. I bet he misses you. Do you wanna go visit him today, after we get donuts with Hailey?"
Sarah- "YES!! Can I say a prayer mommy?"
Me- "Sure! That would be nice."
So after our outing, and trying not to cry, thinking about the small, sweet conversation, we went and visited TC's grave. Sarah made the boys sit around TC's headstone, and fold their arms. Very softly and reverently she said a prayer, of which didn't make any sense to me, but her mood was so reverent and sweet, it didn't matter.
After we left the cemetery, I asked Sarah what she remembers about TC. The first thing she said was him swinging her in her blankee (her pillowcase). Then Luke piped up and yelled "Lankee Game!!". I asked her what else she remembers about TC, and she said she remembers snuggling with him on the floor and saying silly things. I was happy to know that she does remember a few things, her favorite things. When he passed away, Allan and I were so afraid that the kids wouldn't remember him, especially Sarah. Now, almost 3 years later, in April, she still does, and still asks about him, at least once or twice a week. We sat and talked to Lincoln, a little after he passed away, because the kids wanted to play the blankee game, but no one could do it. It was, emotionally, too hard. But the kids didn't understand why no one would play. I told Lincoln, I didn't want things to be taken away from them, because he's gone. I wanted Lincoln to be a big part of their lives, like TC was, and take that Uncle role, and kinda fill the void for them. Not take TC's place, but be there, where TC can't be. I can't say how grateful I am to him and Cecilia, for taking that role and just doing everything for them, like playing and wrestling during Sunday dinners, and coming to birthday parties and just being silly and a part of things. It means more to me than they will ever know, more than I can express to them.
I think there are times, that I feel my faith is lacking a little bit, but there are times like this, remembering TC's accident and all of the spiritual, wonderful things that we got to experience and learn during that time, always brings my faith up again. I know my Heavenly Father loves me, and knows me, and has a plan for me. I know that he always has, and has always been with me, even when I felt completely cut off and alone. I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only true church on this earth. I know he has blessed me with 3, almost 4 wonderful children, that constantly remind me of His love, in moments like this, even when I think I'm not ready for them. I know that he has blessed me with a husband that loves me and appreciates me, sometimes more than I deserve. Finally, I know that TC is finally on his mission, and is doing such amazing work. But I also know that he looks upon our family, all of us, and is so proud of all of us, and excited for the wonderful changes that coming soon.
I just wanted to share that sweet conversation and my testimony. It's amazing what can come out of a simple conversation with a 5 year old child.
4 comments:
I'm never very good and getting my words right when I try to comment and usually end up erasing it and giving up but I just wanted to say that I enjoyed that post. Such a wonderful message. You are such a strong person and I envy that about you. I am so glad you had a such a good day.
That's so sweet! Sarah will probably always remember him and especially if you keep reminding her and talking about him! That's neat you guys were able to have a special day remembering someone so special! Thanks for sharing :)
I think that is so sweet of Sarah to remember TC so well and to want to be near him in death. He obviously made a huge impact in her life. That was great that you went and visited his grave.
That is so special to hear. I know how much TC loved them and it is so neat that she remembers him so well.
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