I have had the moment of bad luck happen, actually. It's been different, and almost a bit of a let down. I have been feeling so free, so light, and so happy for a little while now, and I almost didn't know how to handle a big problem. I was leery of it, almost thinking that if I didn't handle this correctly then I could go back into the person that I didn't want to be. So I was frightened of a problem arising. But, it did. What happened? I think I will keep that to myself, but the aftermath is what is important. Well, I didn't handle it gracefully....in fact, I had an anxiety attack. A pretty epic one, in fact. I was so disappointed in myself, because I have worked SO hard to be the person that I am right now, and I didn't want one little hiccup throw me back into the sad, depressed, lonely person I was before. Lucky for me, I have an amazing husband, and a few close close friends, who listened to me vent about the issue at hand, and really just set it into perspective for me and make clear the choices I had in front of me.
After I worked the problem out in my head, I realized, it didn't change one bit of me. I came out of that situation feeling just as free, just as good, just as happy, and just as strong as before. I chose to not let the problem define me, and not let the problem control me. I know what I've been through, and I know what I have allowed it to do to me, and I was not about to do it again. My solution to the problem??..........nothing. Just do nothing. It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter because no matter what, it's not going to change me, and I wouldn't change anything about myself to POSSIBLY get a different outcome. I was actually ok with the outcome, albeit horrible and hurtful. But, it's ok! And I can say that in all honesty. It was ok. I learned from it.
This instance really made me reflect on my journey these last 4 years, and even my last 33 years. I am coming up on my 34th birthday next month, and as I sat and reflected on my life, and the trials and hardships, along with the amazing moments and people in my life, I am at peace with everything. I am grateful for it all! I have loved the journey that I have been on my whole life, because it has made me the person that I am today. I wouldn't change one single thing about my life, not one single decision, and not one single negative aspect. I am happy and content with every single facet of my life. And, in fact, I am proud of my life. I am proud of who I have become because of all of these things. You ask most people, "If you could change one single thing about your life, what would it be?" or "What do you regret most in your life?", questions which I have asked, and they usually have one or two answers to each question. I would have no answer for either one of these questions. Why? Because even the mistakes I made, contribute to the make up that is Laurie Jean Rogers. If I even remove something as small as the first time I tried ketchup with my friends when I was little, I don't know how that would change things for me! What if I removed something huge, like losing my Eleanor? How would that change my whole make up right now?! It would be HUGE! And finally, in my life now, I am no longer looking for regrets, and the downsides to life. I am looking at the blessings I am getting from each trial presented to me. Blessings like, my perspective changing or widening, or blessings like my testimony of prayer strengthening beyond even my own comprehension, or even blessings like learning how to love everyone unconditionally, without fear, without judgement and with complete trust.
My photo for this week is actually two photos:
My mother was having a Lia Sophia party at her home a few months ago. I am not a huge jewelry gal. In fact, I like to keep it simple and plain, personally. But, I thought I would try to find something that was more me, and try it out. I was flipping through the catalog, when my moms best friend, Dena, walked up to me and showed me this bracelet. It was a black leather band, and a metal, silver, plate in the middle that had "enjoy the journey" stamped on the front of it. She said, "I saw this and I thought this would be perfect for you." I looked at it, and I remember saying to her, "It reminds me of my blog." She agreed whole heartedly, and I couldn't help but to buy the piece of jewelry that night.
When my order arrived in the mail, I found my bracelet in a white and purple box. I opened it up, and the feelings of pride for what I was accomplishing, personally, filled my heart again. As I was attaching the silver piece to the leather band, I saw on the other side of the plate that it said, "share the love". My eyes welled up with tears as I stared at that statement.
The whole idea of this bracelet was a reminder of what I've been doing for the last 4 years on this blog. I have been recording, and sharing my journey in grief, and my healing from it. I have been sharing my ups and downs with everyone, in hopes that it might help others.
In the photos, you can see some pretty good scuffs and scratches from wear and tear. I wear this bracelet almost daily, so it's gonna have a bit of wear to it. I saw this in the photos, as I was editing them, and almost removed the scuffs and scratches from the photos. But, the more I looked at them, the more it made me not want to. If this is truly a representation of my life, or your life, or anyone's journey in this world, then we all have scratches, and scuffs......or trials, and bumps in the road, health issues, death, whatever it may be......that contribute to the look of the bracelet, or our lives, as it may be. Each scuff changes us somehow. Each scratch is a rip in our souls that we've had to stitch back together and make it strong again. Each moment in our lives scars us, and changes our perspective. These scars are our battle wounds that we should be proud of! We fought many wars, some big, and some small, and we sustained these scars because of the battles in those wars. We have stories of each scar. Each scar has taught us something, has helped us see what we are capable of, and has shown us what we want to become. Each scar has shaped us into the people we are!
Each moment in our lives is powerful, and life altering. Moments like a fight with your husband, or failing a test, or someone buying your coffee ahead of you in the drive-thru line, or being scared of a rain storm, or sending someone a card in the mail, or someone violently attacking you, or a death of a loved one. Things happen, good and bad, that effect every facet of our lives. Each lesson we learn from these trials changes our reaction to the next trial. With each lesson I learn, I have become softer, more understanding, more loving, more caring, and more compassionate. I used to be quick to anger and just cut people out of my life when they wronged me. But now, I try to be understanding of why they did or said what they did, and love them even more, because clearly, they need more love in their own lives. All of these scars and scratches have taught me the true meaning of forgiveness.
Through my own journey, I have come to love, and appreciate, every moment that is happening around me. I'm not perfect, and I'm not even good at it, but I am aware, and appreciative of everything life has been teaching me. I don't regret anything. I wouldn't change one thing. I am in love with my life, and the way that it has turned out. I love the people that have contributed to my life, even the ones that brought negativity. I love, and am proud of myself, for continuing to work on myself, and grow from EVERY experience that is thrown at me, and helping those moments to work into my soul to help me grow into the person I am going to become.
Not only have I enjoyed the journey, and grown so much from it, but I have grown even more from sharing the love.
After I worked the problem out in my head, I realized, it didn't change one bit of me. I came out of that situation feeling just as free, just as good, just as happy, and just as strong as before. I chose to not let the problem define me, and not let the problem control me. I know what I've been through, and I know what I have allowed it to do to me, and I was not about to do it again. My solution to the problem??..........nothing. Just do nothing. It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter because no matter what, it's not going to change me, and I wouldn't change anything about myself to POSSIBLY get a different outcome. I was actually ok with the outcome, albeit horrible and hurtful. But, it's ok! And I can say that in all honesty. It was ok. I learned from it.
This instance really made me reflect on my journey these last 4 years, and even my last 33 years. I am coming up on my 34th birthday next month, and as I sat and reflected on my life, and the trials and hardships, along with the amazing moments and people in my life, I am at peace with everything. I am grateful for it all! I have loved the journey that I have been on my whole life, because it has made me the person that I am today. I wouldn't change one single thing about my life, not one single decision, and not one single negative aspect. I am happy and content with every single facet of my life. And, in fact, I am proud of my life. I am proud of who I have become because of all of these things. You ask most people, "If you could change one single thing about your life, what would it be?" or "What do you regret most in your life?", questions which I have asked, and they usually have one or two answers to each question. I would have no answer for either one of these questions. Why? Because even the mistakes I made, contribute to the make up that is Laurie Jean Rogers. If I even remove something as small as the first time I tried ketchup with my friends when I was little, I don't know how that would change things for me! What if I removed something huge, like losing my Eleanor? How would that change my whole make up right now?! It would be HUGE! And finally, in my life now, I am no longer looking for regrets, and the downsides to life. I am looking at the blessings I am getting from each trial presented to me. Blessings like, my perspective changing or widening, or blessings like my testimony of prayer strengthening beyond even my own comprehension, or even blessings like learning how to love everyone unconditionally, without fear, without judgement and with complete trust.
My photo for this week is actually two photos:
My mother was having a Lia Sophia party at her home a few months ago. I am not a huge jewelry gal. In fact, I like to keep it simple and plain, personally. But, I thought I would try to find something that was more me, and try it out. I was flipping through the catalog, when my moms best friend, Dena, walked up to me and showed me this bracelet. It was a black leather band, and a metal, silver, plate in the middle that had "enjoy the journey" stamped on the front of it. She said, "I saw this and I thought this would be perfect for you." I looked at it, and I remember saying to her, "It reminds me of my blog." She agreed whole heartedly, and I couldn't help but to buy the piece of jewelry that night.
When my order arrived in the mail, I found my bracelet in a white and purple box. I opened it up, and the feelings of pride for what I was accomplishing, personally, filled my heart again. As I was attaching the silver piece to the leather band, I saw on the other side of the plate that it said, "share the love". My eyes welled up with tears as I stared at that statement.
The whole idea of this bracelet was a reminder of what I've been doing for the last 4 years on this blog. I have been recording, and sharing my journey in grief, and my healing from it. I have been sharing my ups and downs with everyone, in hopes that it might help others.
In the photos, you can see some pretty good scuffs and scratches from wear and tear. I wear this bracelet almost daily, so it's gonna have a bit of wear to it. I saw this in the photos, as I was editing them, and almost removed the scuffs and scratches from the photos. But, the more I looked at them, the more it made me not want to. If this is truly a representation of my life, or your life, or anyone's journey in this world, then we all have scratches, and scuffs......or trials, and bumps in the road, health issues, death, whatever it may be......that contribute to the look of the bracelet, or our lives, as it may be. Each scuff changes us somehow. Each scratch is a rip in our souls that we've had to stitch back together and make it strong again. Each moment in our lives scars us, and changes our perspective. These scars are our battle wounds that we should be proud of! We fought many wars, some big, and some small, and we sustained these scars because of the battles in those wars. We have stories of each scar. Each scar has taught us something, has helped us see what we are capable of, and has shown us what we want to become. Each scar has shaped us into the people we are!
Each moment in our lives is powerful, and life altering. Moments like a fight with your husband, or failing a test, or someone buying your coffee ahead of you in the drive-thru line, or being scared of a rain storm, or sending someone a card in the mail, or someone violently attacking you, or a death of a loved one. Things happen, good and bad, that effect every facet of our lives. Each lesson we learn from these trials changes our reaction to the next trial. With each lesson I learn, I have become softer, more understanding, more loving, more caring, and more compassionate. I used to be quick to anger and just cut people out of my life when they wronged me. But now, I try to be understanding of why they did or said what they did, and love them even more, because clearly, they need more love in their own lives. All of these scars and scratches have taught me the true meaning of forgiveness.
Through my own journey, I have come to love, and appreciate, every moment that is happening around me. I'm not perfect, and I'm not even good at it, but I am aware, and appreciative of everything life has been teaching me. I don't regret anything. I wouldn't change one thing. I am in love with my life, and the way that it has turned out. I love the people that have contributed to my life, even the ones that brought negativity. I love, and am proud of myself, for continuing to work on myself, and grow from EVERY experience that is thrown at me, and helping those moments to work into my soul to help me grow into the person I am going to become.
Not only have I enjoyed the journey, and grown so much from it, but I have grown even more from sharing the love.
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