4 Happy Birthday Years

Happy birthday my dear sweet Eleanor. Four years ago today, you silently entered this world, beautiful, perfect, quiet, and still. I carried you for 37 weeks, getting to know you, loving you, and figuring out your habits, and what you liked. I never imagined you would change my life in the ways that you did, and continue to.

(Photo by Scott Roeben)

4 years ago, I held you in my arms, stroking your sweet, soft, chubby cheeks, while continually running my index finger down your beautiful tiny nose. 4 years ago, I held you, and memorized every curl of your full head of black hair. 4 years ago, I put my finger under your hand, slowly moving my finger to the end of your finger tips, stretching out your dainty fingers, so I could see how each crease would unfold. 4 years ago, I gently ran my finger across your lips that resembled your fathers......small, but definite. 4 years ago, I held all 6lbs, 15oz of you in my arms for the first time........and after a few hours........for the last time.

(Photo by Scott Roeben)

I never knew, when I became pregnant with you, that you would be such a force in this world. I never knew the power of such a tiny little spirit. I never understood what kind of woman I was, until you taught me. I never knew my own strength until you showed it to me. I never knew what I was capable of, without your example. I never knew true compassion and love, until you showed my heart. I never knew my Father in Heaven, until you taught me.

(Photo by Scott Roeben)

Thank you for teaching me who I really am, and who I will become. Thank you for helping to prepare me for what my life would bring. Thank you for teaching me how to love so much more than I could've ever dreamed of. Thank you for teaching me about forgiveness. Thank you for teaching me about Heavenly Father's plan for me. Thank you for helping me, help others. Thank you for teaching me how to, not only love my family, friends and strangers, but also, how to love myself (I'm still learning). Thank you for choosing me.

I didn't know when I was pregnant with you, that I would never get to hear your first cries, see your beautiful eyes, see your first smile, hear your first laugh, feed you your first foods, or even see how much your siblings would love on you. But, you have given me much greater gifts than those things. Gifts that people only dream of. Thank you for allowing me to be your mother, and thank you for giving me the privilege of carrying you, and knowing you.

Happy birthday my sweet Ellie-Bean. I will love you forever, and always.