Time to Clean House

Lately, I have had a lot of guilt on my mind, about some things I haven't been doing right, or really the way I should be doing it. I have noticed that I have been shorter with my husband, less patient and more angry with my children, and really, with everyone else. So, I decided to clean house, and take back ownership of my own problems, and fix things.

Most people who know me, know I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (for more info, go to: LDS.org) There are certain guidelines, or commandments, that we have been told by our Father in Heaven, through the prophet, Thomas S. Monson, and prophets in the past, that we should do and not do. Everyone has a standard for their lives, some may be considered higher, or lower, than others. I think  our standards are pretty darn high, and even by non-members, who know of our faith, they hold us to a higher standard than others. But, lets be realistic, we sometimes stumble. Sometimes we succumb to temptation, and then we need to repent and get back on track, always keeping our eye on the Lord.

For the past few months, maybe 6, I have been feeling like I have struggled a bit more, to not give in to temptation, and do the things I shouldn't be doing, or act in a way that isn't appropriate. Let's be honest, I'm not goin out and walking the streets or something like that. It's not a scene out of "Pretty Woman", however, my standards for myself are higher, and when I fall short of those standards, it hurts me. I have a great friend, Amy, that I've mentioned before, who is always a shining example to me, when it comes to reacting to difficult times,when it comes to teaching about finances, praying and being a missionary. I have another great friend, Heather, who is a great example to me, in regards to always living the gospel, reading your scriptures, paying your tithing, and attending the temple, no matter what. My sister, Cassie, is a great example to me, of how to be compassionate towards others, and listening to problems, while trying to reason them out and get to the root of the problem. She is also a great example of always being honest, no matter what. I have really leaned on these 3 ladies a lot this last 6 months, as my life has taken a lot of roller coaster rides, in that time. And these ladies, probably without them knowing it, have really effected the outcome of the difficult time. They have changed the way I think of things and the way I do things, along with the way I react to things. Even though I have been struggling with my own worthiness, the Lord has blessed me with amazing people in my life, to help me through it.

There is a talk given by Thomas S. Monson, in a 2012 General Young Women's meeting, titled "Believe, Obey and Endure" (http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-young-women-meeting/2012/03/believe-obey-and-endure?lang=eng&query=repentance) . It is one of my favorite talks that he has given, and really helped me when I had lost Ellie, and really lost hope. In the address, he tells about, and defines those three words, and how they can help us to maintain a happy life, and make our Heavenly Father proud of us, and return to him, which is the ultimate goal. He says, "If any has stumbled in her journey, I promise you that there is a way back. The process is called repentance. Our Savior died to provide you and me that blessed gift. Though the path is difficult, the promise is real. Said the Lord: “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” “And I will remember [them] no more.” I am grateful for the atonement, that I can repent, and return my focus to the things that matter the most to me: creating a happy home life for my children, being a good example to them, being a loving and supportive wife to my husband, and a daughter that my Heavenly Father can be proud of. I know I will stumble, even as the ever maturing adult that I am, but I am comforted knowing that, even during the times where I may trip up, there is always a way back through repentance.


Another really amazing quote from his talk is, "may you endure. What does it mean to endure? I love this definition: to withstand with courage. Courage may be necessary for you to believe; it will at times be necessary as you obey. It will most certainly be required as you endure until that day when you will leave this mortal existence." That is something that I have read over and over, during the loss of my sweet baby girl, and during the pregnancy of my little Elliott. Doing the right thing is usually the hardest thing to do, and requires more courage than you think you can muster. Usually doing the wrong thing is the easiest thing to do, but the long term effects of that choice, are so much more difficult, than if you would've just done the right thing to begin with. During that time, I wanted to give up, and be angry with God, and everyone around me. Instead, I CHOSE to keep trying, to keep attending church, to keep praying, and to keep trying to move forward in life, instead of standing still. It took a lot of courage and a lot of perseverance. I knew what the end result would be, if I could just keep my eye on the Lord. It would've been so much easier to give up, and just stop. But my life would've been so different. I would've been unhappy, my children would be really unhappy, along with my husband, and it possibly could've resulted in the end of my marriage, along with the loss of the Holy Spirit to guide me. Nothing good would've resulted from that, even though it was so much easier. 


I am grateful for the leaders of the church, for giving me comfort in knowing that our Father in Heaven knows we will stumble here and there, but that if we can keep trying, keep getting back up, repenting, turning our hearts to the Lord, we will experience the most amazing things.......being able to return to Him. I am grateful for the people in  my life, especially those great women, and the many others, who have been special leaders and guides in my life. Without them, I think it would've been so much harder to recognize what my short comings are, see a better way, and try to make those changes. I have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and I am happy to know the fullness of Heavenly Father's plan for us.