Next Chapter

When I started this blog, it was not intended to be a vent about the loss of my baby girl, or a help for others to find validation in their feelings, however, it has turned into that. When I started writing, so honestly, about the loss of my baby girl, and the struggles and blessings that have come because of that loss, I really just wanted to be a help for others. One of the biggest things that helped me was having women that validated how I felt. They didn't minimize my feelings, or take offense. When I started writing about Ellie, and my feelings with situations I was put in, or I put myself in, I received so much support, and love, from strangers. I found that I was helping women, I had never met, by saying what they've been wanting to say. I validated them and their feelings, and it has helped them heal, along with myself. However, lately, over the last few weeks and months, I have received a lot of feedback, from people around me, and a lot not so positive.  There's been a lot of concern regarding the feelings expressed in the postings. A lot of people would like me to either not be quite so honest, or to think about how what I'm posting could effect them, before posting things. I cannot do that, and still be honest. My intention has never been, nor will it ever be, to hurt anyone, or make anyone feel bad about themselves. If that is what you've gotten by reading this blog, I'm sorry, but then you don't know me or haven't been paying attention to what I've said. I'm sorry, to those of you who read this and find comfort and that important validation, that I am stopping. I hope you will understand why. You can't make yourself happy and feel better, along with everyone else around you. This is now mine to deal with privately, with just myself.

This blog has become such a therapy to me. It is, most times, the only place I can say what is REALLY going on inside of me. It has been a much needed release of my emotions. It has comforted me and helped me with the loss of my daughter, and the effects of that within my 7 person family. And I am glad to know that it has helped so many others with their grief as well.

I have a lot to deal with, myself, especially lately, as you've read, and I cannot deal with this particular problem, on top of my own emotions. So, I have decided not to write as much about Ellie. This may change at a later date, but for now, this is how it has to be. This has been an amazing outlet for my emotions, and I have felt so empowered by so many emails with such encouraging words, even from tons of perfect, amazing, strangers. Those amazing strangers have turned into some amazing friends. The purpose of me writing was to help others, and myself. I have accomplished this. At some point, I guess, you have to pick your battles, and in this instance, I have to put others feelings above my own. If I can't be completely honest, and not filtered, then I don't feel that I will be the example I want to be. I will continue to write on my blog, about all 5 of my children, Ellie included, and even some of the things that I'm going through, but probably not as often, and not as candid as I once was, in regards to those feelings of my youngest daughter. It will be more filtered.

I would love to still hear from all of you, so please continue to keep talking. It's so important to keep talking.......to anyone.....and I really do want to help as many people as I can. I have been lifted up by all of the kind emails and letters, and knowing that doing this simple thing, being honest, has made such an impact on others. You all have been so encouraging, and really helped me on my journey through this grief.

It's time to start a new chapter of the blog.