Talk on Gratitude

Today, in church, I had to give a talk on gratitude. I think it went pretty well. I figured I would share it here, also. If you'd like to read the talk referenced in my talk, here's the link: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/finding-joy-in-the-journey?lang=eng

Gratitude

My name is Laurie Rogers, and my family has been in the ward for about 5 months, now. My husband, Allan, and I are, basically, native to Las Vegas, I, having moved here when I was 3 years old, and Allan a native. We have been married for, almost 9 years, and have 5 children: Sarah, 7, Lucas, 5, Taylor, 3, Eleanor, 1, and Elliott, 9 months. I am a stay-at-home mom, while my husband works from home, for Adobe, doing some super cool nerdy things, that I will let him tell you a little better about. Some quick things about me are that, I love photography, I love to quilt, and I love to write. My husband and I have a pretty good sense of humor, and can pretty much find the humor, in almost any situation. If you know my husband’s family, which a lot of you do, you’ll understand where that comes from. If you don’t, then let me be the first to apologize for anything my husband says, and for any eye rolling that I do behind his back.

With Thanksgiving fast approaching this week, Gratitude is a fitting topic to talk about today. In the October, 2008 General Conference, President Monson gave a talk that really stuck with me, entitled, “Finding Joy in the Journey”. When I first heard this talk, it really moved me, and changed my perspective, however, I didn’t understand how much it would mean to me, until one life changing event that happened, almost 2 years ago.

In this talk, President Monson says, “Throughout our lives, we must deal with change. Some changes are welcome; some are not. There are changes in our lives which are sudden, such as the unexpected passing of a loved one, an unforeseen illness, the loss of a possession we treasure. But most of the changes take place subtly and slowly.”

Almost 2 years ago, our family dealt with one of these unwelcome changes. I had just gotten home from a surprise baby shower, my mother had thrown me, for our 4th child, Eleanor. Earlier in the day, I had spent the morning helping my sister-in-law register for her baby shower, for her first daughter, that was to be born about a month after Ellie. We were both so excited to have 2 baby girls so close together, only a month apart, and watch them grow up together. I had gotten home from the shower later that night, and helped Allan unload all of the beautiful gifts that our friends and family had given us for this new baby. As I laid in bed, resting from the busy day, I noticed that I hadn’t been feeling the baby move as much as usual. So, I decided to drink some juice and try to eat something, as that usually got her moving. Allan had left to go to the store, for a crib mattress that I insisted we needed RIGHT NOW, at midnight. As I lay there, poking and pushing my belly, trying to get my baby to move, I became more and more panicked. When Allan got home, he convinced me to go to the hospital, just to check on things, even though we both felt sure that things were fine. He stayed home, with the kids while they slept, and I left to go check our on baby girl. 

Things were not fine. The nurses and technicians could not find her heart beat any longer. On January 23, 2011, I gave birth to my sweet baby girl, Eleanor. I was 37 weeks pregnant. On January 23, 2011, my entire life changed. The night that I got home from the hospital, I wanted to write everything down. I wanted to remember it. I wanted to share what had happened. I decided to write on my blog, so that people wouldn’t have to keep asking me what happened. After a few months, I wanted to keep writing on my blog, every week, to help others that have been through, or are going through the same, or similar, tragedies. And for 2 years, I have written my journey down. Writing this talk, I have had the blessing of going back through my blog, my journal, and reading my thoughts, and my growth, over this tragic journey. 

I know what you’re thinking. What does any of this have to do with gratitude? Well, I wanted to take a different spin on the topic. What I have learned, over the last 2 years, from this horrific tragedy, is priceless. This tragedy, is really the blessing. This death, gave my life purpose, and the strong testimony that I longed so much for. A few things that I learned from the loss of my baby girl are: I learned to pray.......REALLY pray. And, I learned that the answers ARE booming. It just depends on how you’re looking for the answers. I learned that God doesn’t give you trials. Life just happens. God gives you the choice, regarding how you will deal with the trials. I choose, every moment of every day, how I am going to react to things. I struggle, most days. I am down, a lot. But I have to choose to be happy, in order to find happiness. I learned that there are still miracles, and they happen all of the time, all around us. I didn’t notice them before, not as much. I learned that callings are not for us to help others, but rather, for others to help us. There are many more things that I learned. But, the most important thing that I learned, I learned just about 6 months ago. I learned how to be grateful for the trials. Without the trials, how would we learn? How would we become like Him?

President Monson said, “I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not.” What was important to me, 3 years ago, was not what is important to me now. It was important to me, but maybe not as high on my list, as some other things. The things, and the status, the symbols are not what truly make us happy. President Monson goes on to say, “I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now.” I used to, and still do, worry about getting the house clean, and laundry done, and the things that we all worry about when we are trying to keep order in a house full of chaos. But, I have learned to enjoy the chaos a little bit more. I have a different perspective now. I wonder what our chaos would be like with my Ellie here, playing with her big sister, and brothers. I wonder when her milestones would’ve been, what her favorite characters would’ve been, what her favorite toys would’ve been, and what her favorite games would’ve been. I wonder how our other kids' lives would've been different. Would they be happier, and more carefree? But then, I also think, if we would’ve had her, would we have our sweet Elliott here with us, and appreciate what he is to us? Would we really appreciate the people around us? Would we understand what amazing family we have? Would we have come to realize everything we have learned, eventually? And if so, how? I am deeply saddened, still, to have lost my baby girl. But, I know that without that, I wouldn’t have become the person that I am today. 

President Monson says in this talk, “If you have children who are grown and gone, in all likelihood you have occasionally felt pangs of loss and the recognition that you didn’t appreciate that time of life as much as you should have. Of course, there is no going back, but only forward. Rather than dwelling on the past, we should make the most of today, of the here and now, doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future.”

He goes on to say, “If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.” I have to say, I would’ve never understood this statement as much as I do, without that difficult experience in my life. Many times, I have cleaned our patio door windows, full of fingerprints, and hand prints, and all of the sudden, stopped, and realized how big their hands are getting now, and wondered where the time went. I have been folding the kids’ freshly cleaned pants, and it all of the sudden hit me that the pants I’m folding are from my 7 year old daughter! Even now, I look at my youngest baby boy, and it makes me sad that he is getting so big already, almost getting ready to turn 1. I can’t help but wish I could hold him in my arms forever, snuggling his little chubby body, and kissing his warm cheeks, while he looks up at me smiling. So often, I wished I could’ve held Eleanor for just a while longer, holding her hand, wishing her fingers would magically wrap themselves around my finger, longing to feel her warm cheek against mine, as I kissed her. But what is happening now, is not slowing down for that grief. And if I am not careful, I will miss the amazing miracles that are right in front of me, that I helped to create. She is a miracle in her own right, but I need to nourish the miracles that are right here, so that we can all be together again, as one family.

President Monson quotes an author, “Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth”.

President Monson, goes on to talk about expressing our gratitude to those around us, whether they be family, friends, or just acquaintances. This is something that I took to heart, and have tried hard to practice. I think we are very quick to criticize others, however, we are stingy with our compliments, and praise. Finding fault, is easy, but finding the positive is a challenge, especially, when there is so much darkness. One of the many things that I am grateful for is the Young Women’s program. During the weeks and months that passed, after the loss of our youngest daughter, the young women and young men, that I served, for a year before, went out of the their way, to remember me, on their own. They sent me emails, they helped their other leaders plan small, nightly surprise gifts, a few of my beehives would show up, once a week, with a slurpee for me. They sent me text messages. They mailed me cards. They left me notes on my car during church, or notes on my trees out in the front of my house. These amazing young men and young women, though they were few, changed the course of my grief. They didn’t have any idea how THEY could help ME, their leader. But they did what they knew how to do, which was to just love, and show love. I have taken their examples, and the example of this wonderful talk that President Monson gave a few years ago, and I really try to take time out, and write a small note to a friend, a family member, or just an acquaintance, letting them know I care about them, and how grateful I am for their kindness. I like to point out, and thank my friends for acts of service they've done for me, that they may not have known, or realized, they'd done. I have found that going out of my way, is not really out of my way at all, anymore, if it makes someone smile, or feel loved, or important. Those youth taught me that doing service for others, is true, Christ-like love and happiness.

After these last 2 years, I have learned to be grateful for the trials in my life. It’s easy to be happy, and have gratitude when things are going right. But, when things are a challenge, and we are still trying to find what is positive, I believe that is when we will really find out who we are, and who we are  meant to become.

Brothers and sisters, I am grateful for all of the beauty that is in my life, and all around me. I am grateful for my amazing, energetic, smart, beautiful children that my Father in Heaven has entrusted to me. I am grateful for my sweetheart, and all of his love, support, and care that he has shown me. I am grateful for my family, and the support that they have been for us. I am grateful for the amazing friends that I have been blessed with. I am grateful for the gospel, and the person that it has helped me become. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father, for always being there for me, right when I need him. I am very grateful He has given me the opportunities to choose my path. And, I am happy to say, now, that I am grateful for the trials in my life, because without those trials, I know I wouldn’t have realized all of the things that I should be grateful for.

This Thanksgiving holiday, I challenge you to not only have gratitude for what our Father in Heaven has given us, but also for what we have learned and been given because of the trials in our lives.