Happy Birthday TC!

Dear TC-

Today, you turn 32 years old! I can't believe that. I can't believe that you would've been 32 years old. I wonder what you would've been doing this year. Would you be married right now? Would you have kids, or starting your family? What would you have been doing in your career? What amazing callings would you be magnifying at church?

I have known this family for 12 years, and been an official part of it for almost 10 years, and I think back to when I first met you, and you were just a kid! Even from the first time I met you, you and I had a connection. We just got each other. We got each other's stories, understood what we were thinking when we chose to take certain paths, and just related to each other really well. You were there for me so much after my first pregnancy, and the loss of that baby. And you were so wonderful during my pregnancy with Sarah. You were almost as excited as Allan was! HA! You were the first one to see Sarah, after she was born. You were the first relative to hold her, besides my mother and Allan, who were in the delivery room. I will never forget you bringing me my first of many BK Stackers, (without bacon, of course, because you said fast food bacon was gross, and you didn't want me eating that.) after having my baby. I remember you walking into the room with a small cooler of sodas, and waters, and a HUGE bag of snacks. The snack you were most proud of was the EL Fudges. HAHA! Those were your favorites, and you were so excited to give them to us, because I'd never had them before.

Sarah was your buddy. And you were Sarah's favorite person in the whole world. I think you still might be. She talks about you a lot, still. It hurts, because we miss you so much, but it's wonderful, because even at her little tiny age, you made a huge impact on her. Her favorite game was the Blankee Game. You used to wrap her up in a blanket, like a taco, and swing her back and forth, so high it would make me nervous. I think you enjoyed that too. HA! She used to call it Lankee Game. The first few months after you died, no one would play the Blankee Game with her. It was too painful. Neither her, nor Luke, understood why. I'm really glad they persisted, and Uncle Lincoln stepped up and took over the duties of the Blankee Game. Did you know that I talked to him? I missed you so much, and the pain and lack of understanding of what happened to their favorite uncle in my childrens heart, was unbearable for me. I talked to Lincoln and asked him to please fill in. Please play with them. You'd be so proud of him, and so happy, because I think he loves those kids as much as you did. It melts my heart to see him with them, and playing with them, just like you would. I don't think Sarah will have that relationship that you two had, with anyone else. It was truly special. But, I'm so glad that her other Uncle is doing his best to create a new relationship with her, and it's a great one. One of my favorite things about you was, many times I would call you, because Sarah wanted to talk to you, and you would drop everything and talk to her, and come over anytime she wanted to play with you, talk to you, or just hug you. I wish she had you right now. She's having a hard time still, with the loss of her sister, and I think you are just who she needs. She needs her friend....her buddy. I wish you were here. Were you able to be with us for her baptism? She wouldve loved to have you and Ellie standing there, beaming with pride.

When we found out we were pregnant with Luke, you begged me for 4 months, relentlessly, to name him after you. We didn't. I'm sorry to say it. Because out of our kids, I believe he is the most like you. But we liked the name Luke, and had already confirmed that that would be his name. Plus, it was fun to keep you going, and be stubborn. It drove you crazy! Luke was delivered so fast that we didn't pack anything! We barely made it to the hospital in time! But you still came, BK Stacker and all! You took pictures on your cell phone and emailed them out to everyone you knew, proudly. Luke, however, gave you a run for your money. He was not a happy baby, but you didn't care. You were going to figure out how to make that kid happy! You also introduced him, eventually, to the Blankee Game, and won him over. Also, you made it your mission to teach Luke how to walk, because he was just not interested, and to your standards, he was just too old, at that point to not be walking. HAHA! You'll be happy to know, he did finally walk. HA! Actually, he finally started walking just a few weeks after you passed away, I think. I still give you full credit for teaching him.

You did finally get what you wanted. I found out I was pregnant with Taylor the day of your accident, just a few hours before we got the phone call from your parents, actually. We knew, driving home that night from the hospital that no matter what the sex of the baby was, the baby's name would be Taylor. It had to be. Taylor is almost 5 years old now, and you would adore him. I think he is a good mix of yours, and Lincolns personality. You would love playing Batman with him, picking him up, and flying him around the room, taking him on adventures, and helping him pretend to be awesome superhero's. I always wonder, did you get to meet him? Did you get to hold him before he came down to Earth? I always think you are the one that gave him his dimples. It's like your mark of approval, because Taylor has them, and Elliott has them. HA! I was so sad leading up to the days before I had him because, you would not be there to bring me my traditional BK Stacker, and be the first to hold him, but I am happy to report that Kelsey took your place, and brought me the traditional non bacon BK Stacker, and held Taylor and loved on him for you. I think you were there. I won't ever forget the feeling in that room. It was the same feeling of pride that I felt from you when you held Sarah and Luke for the first times.

Giving birth to Ellie, I really wish you were here. But, perhaps, it's better that you weren't. I'm not sure how you would've handled that. And everything that has happened within our little family since. When I was in the room, waiting to be induced, your dad and Lincoln walked in to give me a blessing........and I kept thinking, "I wish TC was here too." I don't know what made me think that at that moment. It just didn't seem complete. I needed all of the Rogers' men, and all of their hands on my head, saying that prayer for me, my family, and my child. When I had her, and I was alone with her, holding her, I remember wishing you would walk through the door, like you always did. You have always been a huge support for me, when Allan was working all of those jobs, and in school. You were always there to help me, chat with me for a while, appreciate whatever food I cooked, and relieve some stress that you saw on me, however you could. And I felt like I was missing that so much. I still do. I know Allan does too. I think he could really use your advice and guidance, especially now. I know you are taking care of Ellie, and playing with her, and making her laugh. I know you are doting on her and loving her until I can get there. It's nice that I can say, "Uncle TC is keeping Ellie safe, and loving her", when Sarah asks me who is taking care of her. I'm glad Ellie has you with her.

Since Ellie, and now having Elliott, I know you're there all of the time. I know you are watching over my kids, here, and in Heaven, as you always have. I know you took care of Elliott before he came to be with our family, and I know he knows you, and will continue to know you. I know you are proud of the kids, and what kinds of people they are turning into. I know you are proud of Lincoln and Cecilia, and the beautiful family they are raising. I wish you were there for that. I'm sure they are missing you like crazy, and wishing that you could experience their fun family with them.

Saturday was an annual event called the Walk to Remember. It's for families who have lost babies. Did you know your mom came? When I saw her, I was so happy! I was surprised! It meant so much to me to have her there. I didn't get to talk to her very much, but just knowing she was there brought me a huge amount of comfort, and support that I needed so badly. This year, we got to stay until the balloon release. TC, Sarah and I released balloons for you, and for Ellie. We tied notes to the bottoms of the balloons for you and Ellie. Sarah asked me, before she went to bed, if I think you read the notes yet. I was happy to tell her that I'm positive that you read the notes, and love her and miss her too. She also wrote that you are "still her best friend", in case you couldn't read it. Her spelling still isn't great yet. HA! Tonight, there is a candle light vigil being held at the park next to the District. I found that interesting that that was where you worked, and the vigil happens to be on your birthday. I am making sure that I go, and I will light a candle for my 3 babies in Heaven, and one for you too. You need a candle on your birthday too!

TC, as you can tell from this letter, you are so loved and missed by your parents, your brothers, your sister, your sister-in-laws and your nieces and nephews. The impact that you have had on this world....you wouldn't believe. I cannot wait to be with you again, and see that fun smile, hear that voice, and get a great big hug. I hope you have a happy birthday. I wish we could celebrate it with you. Thank you for continuing your service and example where you are. You truly are what your parents described you as, "A Valiant Son, Brother, Grandson, Uncle, Nephew & Friend. A Child of God. A Mighty Man of Valor".

I love you, and miss you.

Laurie