Sweet Moments

Well, I haven't updated on the blog recently. Kind of difficult with all of the doctors appointments I've been attending. Not to mention, I just haven't been in the mood. However, tonight, I was privileged enough to snuggle with my first born, Sarah, and Luke, while watching a movie, and I couldn't help but think of how much fun it would've been to have my Ellie in the bed with us all, watching a movie, yelling at Allan for trying to sneak Taylor chocolate, just before bed, and listening to all of the giggling.

As soon as the happiness entered, I was saddened. The sweetest moment was happening, and I wished that I had done that when I was pregnant with Eleanor. The moment.....Sarah was snuggled up against me, with her arm stretched across my stomach. All of the sudden, Sarah started singing along with a song that was playing on the movie. As she sang, I could feel the baby moving around and kicking. So I quickly grabbed her hand, and put it high up on my stomach, and told her that the baby is moving. She got so excited, and wanted to know how his body was positioned, where his feet were, where his head was, and if he has been flipping around in there all night. As soon as she got excited, Luke told me he just had to feel too. Poor guy, he couldn't feel the baby boy moving, but he swore he did. HA! I just couldn't correct him. He was so excited. But that sweet moment, it made me so sad too. I realized that when I was pregnant with Ellie, the kids never felt her move. I never made it a cute, big deal, for them. I felt that I took the pregnancy for granted. I took her for granted. As usual, rationally, I know this isn't true, however, I couldn't help but feel saddened that I didn't give that special moment to my children, with Ellie, as I did with this new baby. I wish I had.

I know my baby girl is remembered by her brothers and sister, but mostly by Sarah. I know her big sister loves her with all of her heart, and misses her just as much. It was really sweet to watch those two get so excited about feeling their baby brother moving around, and making that connection that there really is a baby in there. I'm so glad I was able to give that to them. I really wish I had done it sooner. Maybe they would've been a little more excited about mommy having a baby in her tummy, rather than feeling so scared that something would happen to this baby too.