Week 2

I've really only been doing this project for 2 weeks (3, if you count the pre-week posting), and I've already felt so much.....both positive and negative. I have already discovered things about myself, that I never realized. It has opened a whole new dialogue between my husband and I, and ignited a deeper, more creative side, to this hobby, and love, of mine. I can tell that my husband doesn't want to intrude, and ask too many questions about it, but he is eager, and supportive, of whatever comes out of it. One of our best, most relieving conversations we've had recently about this project was when he asked about Ellie's birthday, coming up. It was amazing to combine the topics, and together, come up with an idea for the shoot for that week, and how we want to celebrate her birth, and celebrate our family now, and incorporate that into this project. Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to pull that idea off without help, but I don't know if that would defeat the purpose that I have set for myself. LOL! I'm following rules that I made......that I, technically, haven't come up with yet. HA! We will see. Nonetheless, I am loving this project.

For this week, I was inspired by a good friend of mine, a photographer named Terrell Neasley (http://www.photoanthems.com/). He shoots, mostly, nudes. I have written about it previously, about his work. I have always admired how raw people look. How, the focus is less on their clothing (or lack thereof), and more on laying their souls out there, and getting to know his subjects in a different way: through their eyes, their facial expressions, their actions, their surroundings. I love that through his photos, I can see who that person is, truly, without the distractions of all of the other things. So, this week, I took one of the same approaches.

Rarely do any of my friends see me without make up on. I don't like it. I think I look horrible. I have been told a few times that I look like I am sick (thank you teenage girls!). I have also noticed that we find children so beautiful, just by their personalities, and even their looks, and they aren't enhanced by make-up and blowdryers. So, if I am to find something positive about myself, my true self, I need to strip everything away. I need to strip away the makeup, the hair products, the blowdryers, everything, and find what I like about myself without all of the distractions. So, I decided I would do this when I just got out of the shower.

Standing in front of the mirror, I realized, I have a ton of freckles. Granted, I have always known that, but I have only focused on a few that I really didn't like their placement. But, this time, I focused on my nose and cheeks. I like those freckles. Why just those? Because Sarah and Luke have those freckles too. Luke has them, more so, than Sarah. I like those because they are a marker of all of the lake trips I took with my mom and her friends. They are a marker of all of the boat trips I took with my dad. They are markers on my children of their mother. I think that is beautiful.

Another thing I realized, while doing these photos is, without make-up, I look tired. But, you know what? I'm ok with that! I worked hard to look that good, and tired. HA! Those bags under my eyes, came with a lot of sleepless nights, worrying, stressing, crying, folding laundry, laughing with my husband, whatever it was. I like to think of those bags as bags holding all of my self improvement. Hopefully, over time, those bags will fade, and I will be smooth, and happy. But, right now, I earned those bags, and I'm happy with them.

Another thing that most of my friends don't know is that I have curly hair. Not like the cute curly hair. I have wavy hair, and only in spots. Ha! It's not cute. But, I'm happy about it, because when I blow out my hair, it straightens, but it doesn't go flat. It always curls at the ends on its own, and it always looks full, and vibrant. I'm grateful for my ugly, non-curly curl.

Doing this project, I feel very vulnerable, and stripped down. No one likes photographing themselves, and no one likes photographing themselves at their worst. I'm scared to death when I post these photos, and any assessment of them. But, maybe, if we did it more often, and we got to see ourselves, we would find the beauty in the ugly moments. We would find the beauty in the experiences that hurt us. We would find the beauty within ourselves. I'm loving finding myself again!