Where we left off........ I was sitting in a hotel lobby, crying on LaTicia's shoulder, getting snot, tears, and mascara everywhere, because I was heart broken, upset, and disappointed that I was going to be missing the event. Right.....Anyways, LaTicia asked me what I wanted to do, and I said that I didn't know, and I didn't care. She asked if I wanted to go meet the other girls on the beach, or go back to the hotel? I didn't want to ruin her day, completely, so I answered with meeting the girls on the beach, even though I just really wanted to go back to the hotel and lay in bed and wallow in self pitty. I mean, come on, though! We are on Coronado! I've never been, it's supposed to be crazy beautiful, and I'm inside crying. Might as well experience the beauty, right?! We make the long walk down the street, where I am trying to clean my face off better, and stop the feeling of wanting to cry from creeping back in. As we are walking towards the beach, 2 or 3 of the ladies came walking off of the beach to meet us. All of the sudden, I look at Laurie S., and she is crying. Then I look at the other ladies, and one of them is teary, along with LaTicia, and the other is just looking like someone ran over their dog right in front of them. Laurie came over and expressed her sorrow for me, that I wouldn't be able to be there, and expressed her love for me, and how amazing she thought I was, and a mountain of other compliments, and showering of sincere love for me. The other girls gave me HUGE hugs, and did the same. They motioned for us to follow them to the beach, to meet up with the other ladies, so we followed them.
As we walked, I stopped and started staring at the beach. I kept seeing photos that I wanted to get, and just amazing things that reminded me of different thoughts and emotions. So, I stopped along the walk back to the other ladies, and grabbed those photos....some unsuccessfully done, since I was being pelted with sand from every direction, but the effort was there, and I felt like a rock star for trying. LOL!
We got closer to the water, and one of the ladies pointed out some writing in the sand. I stepped back, and read it, and it said "We (Heart) Laurie". The ladies told me that all of them got together and made this in the sand for me. Probably to some, its a simple, silly gesture, but to me, it meant the world to me. You see, I was nervous to come on this trip. All of these ladies had known each other for years prior to this trip. They have been on tons of trips together, and do lots of things together. I was an outsider, invited in for the weekend, and now this drama happens, and I'm a blubbering mess. I was embarrassed. I didn't know how they would react, or if they would even care, or if they thought it was stupid that I was so upset. But, seeing that, and seeing their sorrow, and feeling all of their arms wrapped around me, and feeling their love for me.......they will never know how much that meant to me. They didn't have to do anything, or even care. I was as good as a perfect stranger to them.....and they did, like they had known me forever. It meant a lot to me, and really touched me.
We left the beach, after Mother Nature started to throw down her hurricane again on us, and headed back to the hotel. LaTicia, Laurie S. and I stayed at the hotel, so we could get changed, and so I could do some proper pouting in bed. They took me out to experience Chick-fil-A for the first time (Not gonna lie, I don't understand the hype. But I did it, and I can check that off of my list. Plus, I learned that Edward is a sexy name to LaTicia! Who knew?!) We came back to the hotel to eat our chicken, and to take some recently purchased cough medicine for myself. Allan had told me that he would be sending me live feed of the event, to watch on my phone, so we were so excited to watch it!
As the chat started, and the video started it was all of the runway shows. Allan told me he would get back to me when the actual event started, because his battery was draining pretty quick. That was fine with me. I kept getting photographs from Cassie, of everyone who came to support me! It meant SO much to me, that I got teary again! Ugh. Everyone was there, happily, just for me, even though they knew I wouldn't be able to be there. They wanted to be my cheering section. They wanted to make my presence known, through them. I thought that was beautiful.
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| Cassie and my friend, and cousin, Michelle |
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| Cassie, and my other sister, Christine |
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| A message in the program from everyone for me |
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| This was the final text of the night from Cassie, that said, "Cheers to Laurie! Congratulations! You are an awesome woman!" |
Well, here's where it starts to go downhill, and the warm fuzzy feelings start to fade. So, all three of us are crammed in a queen sized bed, around my tiny cell phone screen, watching this event. When, all of the sudden, Allan's connection is gone....then it comes back....then it's gone....then it comes back...then it's gone again. His phone died. He grabs his moms phone and tries to get the rest, but by the time he gets it all set up, the moment was gone, and I missed it. I was so upset that I threw my phone and just started to cry again. I had missed it, completely! They all tried so hard to get what they could to me, but nothing was working. I was so disappointed.
As the night wore on, and the rest of the ladies came trickling in from their adventures that night, they all, one by one, came up to me, laying in the bed, and gave me giant hugs, and said they were so sorry. We turned the lights off, and I layed there, thinking about the events of the day, shocked that it actually all happened like that, and that it was over, and thinking about how it all played out.
Do you know what conclusion I finally came to? I realized that even though I didn't get to be there to witness it, that it is still pretty darn amazing, and special. It is a big deal, and I am really proud to be a part of it, and to be honored, or even mentioned at this event. I am touched that my family made that much effort for me to be able to see some of it, and still feel like I am not missing anything, even though nothing worked out. I saw pictures later of my family and friends there, and it was amazing! A few couldn't be there, because of work, but, they were planning on it, and they were really upset that they couldn't be there. They all knew I couldn't be there, but they wanted to represent me, and what I'm doing anyways. They were there supporting me, even if I couldn't be there. And, do you know what? They always have been. No matter what, those people, and so many more, have always been there, supporting me, loving me, cheering me on, letting me cry on them when I needed it, hugging me when no words can console the pain. Even when it was hard for them, or uncomfortable, they still did it, because they love me, and believe in me.
That night, I laid there in the dark, surrounded by 8 or 9 other women, full of love for me, and support for what I was doing, while my whole family back home, and my friends there were loving me and supporting me there. I hate to say it, but I cried again. My heart was so full, by the actions of these ladies I hardly knew, and by the actions of my dear husband, sweet friends, and loving family, that it didn't matter anymore that I didn't get to see the event, or feel those cheers, or wear that neoprene dress (yup! When in doubt, always go for neoprene, HAHA!). I realized everything I needed to, in so many moments of the day. Sure, I wish I had that moment, that photograph that I had envisioned for 3 weeks, but laying in that bed, surrounded by them, looking at the photographs that my sister had sent me, I was wishing that that moment could be captured in a photograph. Because that is the moment that everything clicked, and became ok, and I felt an overwhelming amount of love. That is the moment that I felt love, and joy, and complete peace in my heart.
The rest of the trip had its ups and downs because of the weather, and as we all hugged to say good-bye, I wished I was more outgoing, because I wanted to take each lady separately, and tell them what they had done for me, and tell them how much that act meant to me, and what it made me feel.....but I didn't. HAHA! I'm so bad at that stuff, and I'm chicken. So, instead, I awkwardly hugged them good-bye, and quietly hoped that I would be able to tell them what a difference they made on my heart that weekend.
As LaTicia and I drove home, and talked about.....well, everything we could come up with, I thought about the photo I would have to represent this week. I was disappointed that I didn't come up with one. I took a lot of photos, but not of me, and not any that were intentionally representative of the weeks adventures. And then, I remembered it. I remembered the one photo that we did get, and I was so glad, in that moment, that they insisted on taking that photograph.
For this week, this is the photo that I have chosen, taken by LaTicia:
In this photo, you see the sign in the sand that the ladies made for me. I love how there is an outline, enclosing me, with their sweet words of love. I feel like it is their arms around me. I think it is representative of the events that day, and of that week. I, perhaps, needed this all to happen, and even to unfold in this way, to realize the amazing friends and family I do have around me, that love me, what I do, who I am, and what I am trying to become, no matter what. I firmly believe that the people you associate with, are a direct reflection of who you are, and who you want to be......if that's true, I associate with some pretty incredible people, and my group just got a bit larger. This week is just a big thank you to everyone for who they have been in my life, and for helping me to become, and continue to become, a better version of me. You all keep me working on myself, while trying to help me realize my own beauty that I possess. I couldn't ask for better people in my life.
I am excited to also share the video that I just got to see, FINALLY, that told my story. We did this interview, for this video, right before we went shopping at Saks, a few weeks back. It was supposed to be what was shown right before I went out......but I wasn't there. So it was shown, but then I'm not sure what happened after that, because I didn't see it. HAHA! So, I'm excited to share it with you all!! ENJOY!!
I want to express my appreciation again to Jenna Doughton, Style With a Cause, and everyone involved in my day of pampering, for helping the beauty that I hold on the inside, to be able to shine a little bit more on the outside. Jenna is an amazing woman, and definitely leads by example, with the work that she does, and the love that she shows others by doing this. I will be forever grateful for the change that she has made in my life.
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