Last week, I had some pretty amazing things happen, and then something pretty frustrating happen. So, lets start with the pretty amazing things that happened, and then we will lead into a lot of frustrating, but still amazing things, and I will conclude it on Week 10. It's a two parter. Trust me. It's necessary. LOL!
A few weeks back, almost a month ago, I received a telephone call from a woman named Jenna Doughton, one day, while I was standing in my closet, hanging up clothes that were freshly laundered, thinking about the self portrait that I was about to do in a few hours, for this particular project. HA! I answer the phone, and this woman answers, "Hi! is Laurie Rogers there?" I said I was she, where she proceeded to tell me who she was, and why she was contacting me. She explained that she started a beautiful organization, even a movement, called Style With a Cause (http://www.stylewithacause.com/). This year, the theme was to pay it forward. She asked past nominees, and recipients, to nominate someone who they felt gave of themselves in the name of service, not for any recognition, or any approval, but just because that's what they felt they should do. The quiet servant, as I like to call them. After her telling me that I had been nominated, which I was shocked at that news, she explained that she had read my blog and it had touched her so much. She then told me that my mother had written in, also, and had told her everything that I had been going through, and what I was doing because of that, in the form of photography, and helping other families that are in the position of losing a child. She, then, dropped the bomb on me that I had actually won. This is about where I zoned out, and forgot how to speak English.....or basically, any form of communication. I am not sure if she knows it or not, but I actually didn't hear a lot of what she said. All I heard was that I was nominated for a day of beauty and pampering, and a "beauty transformation", and that she cried for 45 minutes reading my blog. I sat on the floor of my closet, listening to this woman talk......and I wasn't comprehending any of it. I was in shock, and when that happens, I get really quiet. I'm sure that that was NOT the reaction she was hoping for. I bet this is the funnest part of what she does, calling the person to tell them, and I was silent.....I mean crickets! (Sorry Jenna!!)
Later on, I found out that my moms friend Karen, who was a recipient last year, had nominated me. I learned that she had been reading my blog since I lost Ellie, at least, and had submitted my name, and my story. Karen asked my mother to send in a letter (which I, thankfully, have), and a few photos I had done, to help support my nomination.
I was told that I needed to meet her and her video guy (I don't know the technical name for that position, so video guy was the best I could come up with.), Jason, on Valentines Day, so that we could try to find an outfit for the event, and get my makeup done, along with my hair, at Saks. We were meeting up for my day of shopping, and beauty, and pampering.....just in front of a video camera. LOL! I instantly stressed. I am hard to shop for because, I am a 6ft tall Mormon girl, so there's not a ton to choose from for me, plus, I'm a stay at home mom. I don't have a need for a super fancy outfit, expensive shoes, or any of those things. Not only that, I was nervous about my hair. I really love my hair. HAHAHA!
Valentines Day rolled around and I was an internal basket case. I didn't know these people. I didn't know what they were going to do to me. I didn't understand, or comprehend, why I was nominated for this really. I still, didn't really know what this event was, or even what I would have to do for it. The biggest thing was, I was going without any of my friends or family. It was just me, with these 2 strangers.
We shot the video, and that was uncomfortable, but ok. Jenna assured me that that would be the most nerve wracking part. She was only half right. HA! The next thing we had to do was shopping. They had to get a lot of shots for the video, and a lot of personality that I didn't feel like I had, and I'm pretty sure I failed at delivering. Then off to make-up, where I was turned into a girl, and then a salon for hair. We didn't find anything for me to wear, on that day, however, so Jenna said we would come back later on in the week and try again, without the camera's. We met at the salon, and it seemed like everyone knew who I was, and my story, but I didn't know what story they knew, and what they knew about why I was there! I didn't really understand why I was there, myself. I was completely full of self doubt.
I was in the hands of a wonderful hair stylist named Haylee, and she was amazing, and so fun. I gave her free reign, reluctantly, to do whatever she wanted to do to my hair. She, to my relief, wanted to make it darker, instead of going lighter, and blonde, like everyone else I knew. After an hour and a bit, my chair was spun around, and I LOVED it!! It wasn't too different, and it did actually make me look brighter, and a bit younger (if you can look younger at 33, HA!).
Afterwards, Allan and I went out to dinner for Valentines day, and had SO MUCH FUN!! I felt so happy, and so honored. I still argued at any reasoning why I was chosen for this, but I just never think of anything I'm doing, really being that amazing.
The following week, Jenna and I did get to meet up, and it was so fun to go shopping with her again at Saks, and talk to her more, and kind of relax a bit with her. She was super relaxed, because I think she had just gotten a massage (JEALOUS!). HA! We did find a dress, finally, and some heals, and as she said, the dress is "magical". HAHA! I just love her.
I never said anything to anyone, not because I wasn't honored, but because I felt undeserving. The people that I know all do so many amazing things, just out of the kindness of their heart, every day, and it didn't seem fair that I was being honored. So many people that I know have been giving of themselves, tirelessly, for years and years, and I come in, and am honored for work I've been doing for only 3 years. Not only that, those same people are the ones that have been helping me so much, encouraging me, guiding me, and just loving me through this process. I didn't feel like I had earned the right. And I felt this the entire time, leading up to the event.
Well, this week, was the event. And for 3 weeks, I have kept this under wraps, because I wanted it to be a surprise to most people. I wanted the big reveal, runway moment, to be photographed, and I wanted to share that on my blog. I had this image in my head for 3 weeks, and of how it would be written, and everything. This week, Friday night was the event. I was going to be in San Diego on a girls trip. I had arranged to fly home Friday afternoon for the event, and then fly back that night, after the event. Friday, day, I had received a notification on my phone, that my flight was delayed until 4:10p, which meant I wouldn't land until 5:20p. I immediately contacted Jenna, panicked. She said it was no big deal, and I wasn't going on until later in the event, so there was time. Not to worry. But then, not 20 minutes later, I got another text saying that my flight was delayed until 4:45p. Still no big deal. Then another text saying it was pushed back until 5:30p. And the final straw was 5:45p. I contacted the airlines trying to find another flight, at the urging of LaTicia. Nothing. Everything was sold out, everywhere. I found out later, that Allan had even looked into booking a private jet to get me back, but that didn't work either. I was stuck. So, as I sat on Coronado, in a hotel lobby, with LaTicia, I called Jenna. I told her the situation, and that I wouldn't make it back in time for anything. There was just a short pause, an exhale by her, and she told me she would call me back. She tried to be sweet, and kind, but I know it stressed her out MEGA! It had to have! I then just sobbed. I sat there, with my dear friend, leaned on her shoulder, hair covering my face, snot, tears and mascara everywhere, and I just cried and cried, as strangers walked by wondering what the heck is wrong with this fully grown woman that she can't hold it together?! BUT I COULDN'T!! I felt like I had let everyone down. My sister had just driven in from California for the night, just for me. My mom had paid all of this money to be able to be there. A friend of mine, Lisa, had even bought a ticket to go, after I told her about it, just to support me! But, most of all, I had let Jenna down. I know she had this image in her head of how this would go, and a hurricane in the middle of a drought in California was not in the plans either, for her. I was so disappointed that all of these people had built this moment up, and I had to pull it all out from under them. Not only that, I was disappointed for myself. I had finally gotten used to the idea of this. I was excited for this too! I don't have many moments that are just for me.....and this was pretty much the first one, that had nothing to do with anyone else. It was just me. And I was missing it. I was heart broken.
I am not going to finish this story, because it bleeds into next weeks photo entry. So, I will leave you hanging. HAHA! YOU LOVE ME, DON'T YOU?! HAHA! So I will move on to the photo of the week.
So, since I didn't get that photo of me at the event, either alone, or with the great and powerful, beautiful, amazing, inspiring, loving, kind, caring, wonderful Jenna Doughton.....I chose this instead.
I chose this, and took this photo, because, well, this is the theme for the week. However, I wanted to honor this beautiful event, and cause, and everything they are doing to recognize those individuals giving completely of themselves just, simply, because it's the right thing to do. Just because they love. I love the encouragement that Style With a Cause give to others to realize the beauty within themselves, and they help to let you feel it on the outside, too. I feel like, how beautiful they made me feel, and look on the outside WAS a reflection of my own beauty on the inside. I think, as women, we don't allow ourselves to feel that beauty. We don't often say that we are amazing people, or that we are beautiful people. I sure don't! HAHA! Jenna helped me realize that what I am doing, while it is therapy for me, writing on this blog, IS beautiful, and is helping others. She helped me realize that what I am doing is extraordinary. It is hard to be SO personal, and so honest, and raw, and allow everyone in the world to read, and scrutinize, and translate my thoughts and feelings, and personal experiences. But, I don't think about that. All I see, when I write, is that mom, or woman, or grandmother, who is having a hard day, and needs someone to tell them that they understand. All I want to do is help, not only myself heal, and become better, but to help others heal, and give others hope. I want to give hope to that mom who lost a baby, and give her a face of survival. Because, when you're in it, you feel like you will NEVER survive this. You feel completely lost, and hopeless. It does change you, but I wanted to show people that you CAN survive this, and it doesn't have to be life altering, in a negative way. It can be life altering, in a positive way.
I didn't realize that what I was wanting to accomplish, was actually being realized, until I met Jenna, and she introduced me to Style With a Cause, and what they are trying to do. She helped me realize my own individual greatness, beauty, style, and amazing qualities that I possess. This experience has helped me to realize my own power to change. This experience HAS been life altering, and I am forever grateful for it.
Jenna, and Style With a Cause, came into my life at the perfect moment. I was trying to help my own depression, and do it through my blog, and help others who might be struggling with it also. And she called me when I had just started. I think that is amazing timing, considering the topics of both projects. Some personal advice, and chats that we had, came at impeccable timing, either via text, or sitting in a dressing room. I have LOVED being around her, and feeling her own greatness, confidence and beauty just pour out of her, in an unapologetic way. The people that have helped me through this are just as amazing, and giving, and loving and kind. I have never felt so......I don't know.....I don't know if there is a word for how they've made me feel. They have just lifted me up, and propelled me to try harder, and do more, and love myself, because I'm pretty great! Most importantly, Jenna has taught me that it is OK, more than OK, to say that I am beautiful, and I am great, and the things I am doing for others are pretty darn amazing. It's OK to bask in that for a while, and remind yourself of that here and there. We all need that.
I am forever grateful for Jenna Doughton, and Style With a Cause, for the tremendous work they are doing, and the change that they are making, and will continue to make in so many lives of women, not only here, but everywhere! I am proud to be a part of this, and I am proud of who this experience has helped me become, and will continue to become.
I was in the hands of a wonderful hair stylist named Haylee, and she was amazing, and so fun. I gave her free reign, reluctantly, to do whatever she wanted to do to my hair. She, to my relief, wanted to make it darker, instead of going lighter, and blonde, like everyone else I knew. After an hour and a bit, my chair was spun around, and I LOVED it!! It wasn't too different, and it did actually make me look brighter, and a bit younger (if you can look younger at 33, HA!).
 |
| It's a cell phone selfie, but I didn't know this would be the only shot of me looking like this! SORRY! |
Afterwards, Allan and I went out to dinner for Valentines day, and had SO MUCH FUN!! I felt so happy, and so honored. I still argued at any reasoning why I was chosen for this, but I just never think of anything I'm doing, really being that amazing.
The following week, Jenna and I did get to meet up, and it was so fun to go shopping with her again at Saks, and talk to her more, and kind of relax a bit with her. She was super relaxed, because I think she had just gotten a massage (JEALOUS!). HA! We did find a dress, finally, and some heals, and as she said, the dress is "magical". HAHA! I just love her.
I never said anything to anyone, not because I wasn't honored, but because I felt undeserving. The people that I know all do so many amazing things, just out of the kindness of their heart, every day, and it didn't seem fair that I was being honored. So many people that I know have been giving of themselves, tirelessly, for years and years, and I come in, and am honored for work I've been doing for only 3 years. Not only that, those same people are the ones that have been helping me so much, encouraging me, guiding me, and just loving me through this process. I didn't feel like I had earned the right. And I felt this the entire time, leading up to the event.
Well, this week, was the event. And for 3 weeks, I have kept this under wraps, because I wanted it to be a surprise to most people. I wanted the big reveal, runway moment, to be photographed, and I wanted to share that on my blog. I had this image in my head for 3 weeks, and of how it would be written, and everything. This week, Friday night was the event. I was going to be in San Diego on a girls trip. I had arranged to fly home Friday afternoon for the event, and then fly back that night, after the event. Friday, day, I had received a notification on my phone, that my flight was delayed until 4:10p, which meant I wouldn't land until 5:20p. I immediately contacted Jenna, panicked. She said it was no big deal, and I wasn't going on until later in the event, so there was time. Not to worry. But then, not 20 minutes later, I got another text saying that my flight was delayed until 4:45p. Still no big deal. Then another text saying it was pushed back until 5:30p. And the final straw was 5:45p. I contacted the airlines trying to find another flight, at the urging of LaTicia. Nothing. Everything was sold out, everywhere. I found out later, that Allan had even looked into booking a private jet to get me back, but that didn't work either. I was stuck. So, as I sat on Coronado, in a hotel lobby, with LaTicia, I called Jenna. I told her the situation, and that I wouldn't make it back in time for anything. There was just a short pause, an exhale by her, and she told me she would call me back. She tried to be sweet, and kind, but I know it stressed her out MEGA! It had to have! I then just sobbed. I sat there, with my dear friend, leaned on her shoulder, hair covering my face, snot, tears and mascara everywhere, and I just cried and cried, as strangers walked by wondering what the heck is wrong with this fully grown woman that she can't hold it together?! BUT I COULDN'T!! I felt like I had let everyone down. My sister had just driven in from California for the night, just for me. My mom had paid all of this money to be able to be there. A friend of mine, Lisa, had even bought a ticket to go, after I told her about it, just to support me! But, most of all, I had let Jenna down. I know she had this image in her head of how this would go, and a hurricane in the middle of a drought in California was not in the plans either, for her. I was so disappointed that all of these people had built this moment up, and I had to pull it all out from under them. Not only that, I was disappointed for myself. I had finally gotten used to the idea of this. I was excited for this too! I don't have many moments that are just for me.....and this was pretty much the first one, that had nothing to do with anyone else. It was just me. And I was missing it. I was heart broken.
I am not going to finish this story, because it bleeds into next weeks photo entry. So, I will leave you hanging. HAHA! YOU LOVE ME, DON'T YOU?! HAHA! So I will move on to the photo of the week.
So, since I didn't get that photo of me at the event, either alone, or with the great and powerful, beautiful, amazing, inspiring, loving, kind, caring, wonderful Jenna Doughton.....I chose this instead.
I chose this, and took this photo, because, well, this is the theme for the week. However, I wanted to honor this beautiful event, and cause, and everything they are doing to recognize those individuals giving completely of themselves just, simply, because it's the right thing to do. Just because they love. I love the encouragement that Style With a Cause give to others to realize the beauty within themselves, and they help to let you feel it on the outside, too. I feel like, how beautiful they made me feel, and look on the outside WAS a reflection of my own beauty on the inside. I think, as women, we don't allow ourselves to feel that beauty. We don't often say that we are amazing people, or that we are beautiful people. I sure don't! HAHA! Jenna helped me realize that what I am doing, while it is therapy for me, writing on this blog, IS beautiful, and is helping others. She helped me realize that what I am doing is extraordinary. It is hard to be SO personal, and so honest, and raw, and allow everyone in the world to read, and scrutinize, and translate my thoughts and feelings, and personal experiences. But, I don't think about that. All I see, when I write, is that mom, or woman, or grandmother, who is having a hard day, and needs someone to tell them that they understand. All I want to do is help, not only myself heal, and become better, but to help others heal, and give others hope. I want to give hope to that mom who lost a baby, and give her a face of survival. Because, when you're in it, you feel like you will NEVER survive this. You feel completely lost, and hopeless. It does change you, but I wanted to show people that you CAN survive this, and it doesn't have to be life altering, in a negative way. It can be life altering, in a positive way.
I didn't realize that what I was wanting to accomplish, was actually being realized, until I met Jenna, and she introduced me to Style With a Cause, and what they are trying to do. She helped me realize my own individual greatness, beauty, style, and amazing qualities that I possess. This experience has helped me to realize my own power to change. This experience HAS been life altering, and I am forever grateful for it.
Jenna, and Style With a Cause, came into my life at the perfect moment. I was trying to help my own depression, and do it through my blog, and help others who might be struggling with it also. And she called me when I had just started. I think that is amazing timing, considering the topics of both projects. Some personal advice, and chats that we had, came at impeccable timing, either via text, or sitting in a dressing room. I have LOVED being around her, and feeling her own greatness, confidence and beauty just pour out of her, in an unapologetic way. The people that have helped me through this are just as amazing, and giving, and loving and kind. I have never felt so......I don't know.....I don't know if there is a word for how they've made me feel. They have just lifted me up, and propelled me to try harder, and do more, and love myself, because I'm pretty great! Most importantly, Jenna has taught me that it is OK, more than OK, to say that I am beautiful, and I am great, and the things I am doing for others are pretty darn amazing. It's OK to bask in that for a while, and remind yourself of that here and there. We all need that.
I am forever grateful for Jenna Doughton, and Style With a Cause, for the tremendous work they are doing, and the change that they are making, and will continue to make in so many lives of women, not only here, but everywhere! I am proud to be a part of this, and I am proud of who this experience has helped me become, and will continue to become.
1 comment:
I am so glad you wrote about this and shared it publicly!I have been so excited for you and just so happy that you are being recognized. I know you wanted so badly to be there, and I would have loved nothing more than to see you there and capture it in images, but the fact still remains that you won this award, you deserved every bit of it, and I am so very proud to be your friend, and even prouder of the amazing things you have done.
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