2nd Week Down!

Well, 2 down, and 2 more to go! This was not my finest week, emotionally, and physically. I never noticed how when my week is bad, my work out will be bad, until this week. A lot of people say that when they have a bad day, working out makes them feel better, like it's their release. However, for me, it's an overwhelming thing. It adds to the stress, because it's just another thing on my list, to do. And then when I do get to it, and I don't do it well, because I'm just trying to hurry through it, and not focus, I do terribly, and that frustrates me even more. Apparently, I'm just abnormal all the way around.

Well, there it is, my week 2 done.  I barely completed it, but I did it!

So, here's the breakdown of the week. Wednesday, I'm supposed to do "Strength Training"....yea, I didn't do that. I was so behind with house stuff, and kids' homework, that I just couldn't get to it. SORRY!! Thursday, I decided to tackle the 3 minute run, which is what I've been scared of. I felt a little bit more confidence in doing it, because towards the end of week 1, I could easily go over 2 minutes, and it was no big deal. So, off I went. Ok, the first 2 reps were ok. I felt strong, and I felt confident. But, by the time I got to the 4th rep, I was thinking, "Oh holy hell! I still have 2 more! My feet do not want to move anymore! They're already dragging on the treadmill!" But, I did it. I did it kind of cheating though. Instead of walking 1 minute on the last 3 reps, I walked 1 1/2 minutes or 2. EEK! By Friday, I was happy to rest. HAHA! But, I still felt good!

So, Saturday comes. If you look at the picture above, you will see it's all split up. Wanna know why?........it's because I didn't run the whole thing at once. I got lazy. My husband was home, we stayed up too late, I was stressed out, and we had a ton of things to do that day (GOOD THINGS!! I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL YOU WHAT I GOT SATURDAY! That's a later posting). So, I ran half of it, and decided I would run the other half that night. I don't know if that counts, but I say it does, so poop on you if you don't think it does. LOL! Technically, I got it done, and I like to live in technicalities. It almost always works out in my favor. HA! I did decide that I would try to do the Yoga/Pilates session that night, with Jillian (Does your body shiver when you hear the name Jillian Michaels, because mine does?) after my run. That night, I did the last 3 reps, and then did Yoga with Jillian. I hate her. I got through only 6 minutes again, before I had to stop. Not because I couldn't do it! So, that's an improvement, but because I had to do these lunges, which I LOVE!! But, my knee was popping a ton, every time I would go down, and by 30 lunges, it was hurting pretty bad, so I stopped. I was glad that the next day was a rest day, because my knee was still really sore. 

Monday.....oh crappy Monday. Monday was my rest day. Allan decided to take the car in to get fixed, which was no big deal. We had plans to go to the park, to use my new toy, and get workin with it, but it didn't happen, because we can't all fit in his car. Plus I had a ton of laundry to get done before he headed out for the week again. Well, the mechanic called and said it's our transmission and we need to take it to a transmission guy. So we did. But, you and I know a transmission is not cheap......not to rebuild, and definitely not to replace. I had just gotten my new toy that was pretty costly, and I was scared I would have to take it back, or sell it, to pay for the expense of fixing my car. Then, I had started my period, which adds to the stress of me. I tend to get really stressed on my period. HA! Go figure. Plus, I felt like this weekend, we just didn't have any quality, alone time together. It was go go go! And I had no break from the kids, or the house work. So, I was really sad, stressed, and just bogged down about everything that was going on. I knew that I would have to take care of the car situation somehow, and I would have to take care of the house stuff somehow, on top of everything else. Not to mention, I was disappointed at my performance the previous Saturday. I was really down on myself. So, I was pre-stressing, which I'm really really good at. I kind of exploded on my husband, and started crying, and unloaded everything on him that I was feeling. I could see it in his face, the thought of, "I need to find another job. This is too hard on my wife." I don't want him to quit! I don't at all. I'm so proud of him, and who he works for, and even though it's hard on him sometimes and on our family, it's SO worth it, because I've never seen him happier, and feeling so good about what he's doing. It's like he's finally found his niche, and I don't ever want him to think I want him to stop! I just had a bad week.

Tuesday, I didn't run either. My knee was still pretty sore, so I didn't want to push it. I was thinking I would attempt it after the kids went to bed, but that didn't happen. Taylor was throwing up until about 11p, and then I was up all night just waiting for him to throw up again. So, that brings me to today. I didn't sleep at all last night, I was up every 30 minutes, listening to Taylor, and getting up and checking on the other 3 kids, because I was sure they were going to start throwing up. But, after doing school runs, I thought, "Hey, it's the last day of the 3/1, lets really put in some effort, and see if you can do it. At least do half, running 3 minutes straight, and 1 minute walk, and lets just see if you can do it! You can!" So, I got changed, got on the treadmill, and off I went. I did the first 4 reps, and I felt really good! I wasn't too out of breath, I was relaxed, my knee was a bit sore, but not too bad, and my feet weren't dragging. I was doing it! I decided to try one more rep, and I did it. I was tired faster, and I walked a minute and a half, but I did it! So, I did one more, and then another. I was finished! Had done it, the whole thing! I ran at a 5.3, and walk/ran at 3.8 for 2.85 miles. I did it! And I felt good! (I know it's not a lot, and not fast, but dude. For me, that's a ridiculous amount. HAHA! So you cutesy little runners can stop laughing at my wimpiness. HAHA!)

Now, I didn't do it on my own, honestly. On my last run, I noticed I couldn't focus, because I just wanted to get through it. I had so many other things to do around the house, things to get caught up with, but I wanted to do this too. Plus, the biggest thing......I WAS BORED! Gosh, I was bored. I have music going, I have everything going, but the stars were not lining up for me that night. So, going into today, I was nervous, because I wanted, so badly, to finish the week strong and good. I staretd the run today, and I felt great! I had the help of Linkin Park, Eminem and Jay-Z goin, and I was off! I was even singin along with them. Plus, I was shocked I still knew all of the songs by Eminem and Jay-Z! I haven't listened to them in 10 years! But, I was back in my zone of rappin right along with them, and not too out of breath (except for right at the end when I was pushing.). You would be shocked at my thuggishness. You don't even know. LOL!

Cutest distraction ever!!

A bonus thing happened this morning, while running though, my son, Elliott toddled in, and was jabbering to me, and being cute, and funny. He was playing with the door, my husbands desk (sorry Allan!) and the chair behind me, just goofin off. Talking to him totally helped me not be bored!! I got through the 3 minutes without a problem, because I was so distracted by his cuteness. Maybe I need that distraction? You ready to run Amy? You're pretty cute, so it could work out. LOL!

So, I end week 2 with some new things I've learned:

1. I've learned, even more, that I can push through hard things, even if it's messy trudging through, and still finish strong and proud.

2. I don't always need to work out when I'm stressed, but I do need to work out, to constantly prove to myself that, even if I didn't do my best before, it still counts for something, and I'm still stronger because of it.

3. I've learned that the running wasn't hard on my body. It was FRICKIN JILLIAN! But, I still am going to try to do her video (that sounds lame, HA!), because it's hard, and I just love doing hard things I guess. I like pushing myself even more, even if I am already pushing myself. There's always more you can dig out of yourself, even if you are sure there isn't.

4. I am still amazed that I know that whole dang Eminem CD, and can sing it while running! HAHAHA! I still got it.

5. Praying works befor running. HAHA! I actually prayed before a run, because I felt weak that day. I prayed that I could at least get through half of it, and feel ok about it. It worked! I actually did do it, I felt ok about it. I actually felt like I could've pushed more, but I didn't, and that disappointed me. But, it still worked! Yay for praying! Love that I have His support, even with something as silly as this.

6. My confidence has been rocked this week, and I was pretty down about everything going on, and overwhelmed, but I did it today, despite all of that, and I feel like I can fight again. I love that after every run, there is an emotional check that I do. Sometimes, I'm really disappointed in myself because I probably could've pushed more, and I just gave up. And sometimes, like today, I'm excited and want to do it again, because I know I can do it!

7. I ran with Allan in the office with me, on Monday, and he just kept telling me how proud he is of me for doing it, and sticking with it. Him saying that means more to me than anything. I love him so much, and his encouragement. This process has helped me more than I thought it would! Happiness allows me to love others more, especially him, and my children. It's so amazing what I can do, and what I can change!

All in all, it was a roller coaster of a week. Thanks to Lisa, Amy, Cassie and Heather for listening to my rants, either verbal or via text, and being sympathetic and talking me through it. You have no idea how much you helped me. One thing that was awesome, that happened was, Amy and I have been emailing back and forth for 2 weeks now, because we can't seem to get together, and I was describing a scenario that I feel describes depression for me. And I explained better, why I was doing this running program, and what I hope to get out of it. She just kept saying she was so proud of me, because she knows it hard for me, and how much work it is for me. The biggest thing she said to me was, that she has noticed that I'm happier. Ugh! It's not like a huge statement to anyone else, but I've noticed I'm happier. I've noticed not only physical changes, but most importantly, emotional changes, and it meant the world to me that someone else notices it too.......and said it! That comment made me want to work harder today, because I know that I'm achieving the goal that I was after......to dig myself out of this depression, and to work harder, and do more, and allow myself to be proud of myself. So, thanks Amy!!! That meant everything to me.

I'm scared for next week. Run 4 minutes, and walk 1, for 6 reps.......and there is a day of rest taken away, and added a run day. But, I'm excited too. I know it's gonna be messy, but I know I can finish strong, and I will be proud of myself......hopefully. 

Send good vibes, and lots of prayers! I can feel this working, and I love the fact that I am actually doing what I set out to do! Nothing feels more powerful than setting a goal for yourself, and then pushing yourself, learning about yourself, and actually accomplishing that goal. I'm proud of me so far!........plus, my butt and calves are lookin awesome. HAHA! Bonus! Now, it's time to take my sisters suggestion, and go soak in an epsom salt bath. I HATE baths. It's just gross.....and ew, gross. But, she swears that will help my knee. Plus, I need to go get some vitamins she suggested. Gonna give it a shot. It's worth it!!