.............2 years has passed

It's been 2 years, tomorrow, since TC, my beloved brother-in-law passed away from a head injury.

Today, as I was folding laundry and cleaning up the house, I saw a folded piece of paper on the floor. I picked it up and realized it was the account of TC's final day on this earth, written by his parents, my in-laws. They had given this to us on Sunday, as we talked about the 2 year anniversary of TC's death. We all listened and were greatful to hear my father-in-laws testimony of the gospel and how it has been strengthened by the event of his son's accident.

All of the kids were playing in Luke and Taylors room, so I took a moment to sit down and read what they had written about this special day. I will not share the whole account with you, because I feel that it is sacred to our family. But what I do want to share with you, which conveys what the whole family feels about the day, is the last paragraph of this 5 page story:

"There was no terrible weeping or wailing, there was no uncontrolled sobbing and crying. There was no emptiness, pain or anger. There was a peace that existed, that was real, and confirmed that this is only life; that there is so much more to our existence than just our time here. That peace confirmed our faith in the Lord and made real the existance of his Son, and the love he has for us all by offering the gospel. TC is not with us physically anymore, but he is never gone from us. He is in our memories. He is in our prayers. He is part of us, he influenced so many to do good and better that his presence has left a change for so many of those he came in contact with. He truly left his mark on the world, which will be in affect in the eternities. He set an example for all of us. We will see him again, and we will feel his love for us as we continue our existence here on this world. He will never really be that far from us, but his absence from our everyday life makes it feel so distant."

The day that he passed, Allan was privileged to give his little brother a final blessing, releasing him from his body. I don't remember what he said, but I know Allan does, word for word. I do remember the feelings in that room. I will never forget how full that room felt. There were his parents, and his siblings, and their spouses, along with his uncle and his aunt. But the room felt so much fuller than that. It felt packed full of angels. You could feel the spirit, hugging every one of us, and comforting every one of us, and letting us know that it's ok to let him go, and that it is his time.

There are many special events that happened during this time. Too many to write down and share right now, and still, the feelings are too raw to share them. One thing that I would like to share is the day of his accident. I talk about it a lot, because it is the most special blessing, for me, that came from this accident.

At about 3:00p that afternoon, I found out I was pregnant with our third child. I had already emailed Allan, and let him know the news and he was exstatic. He came home from work at about 5:00p, as usual. I met him outside, because I couldn't contain myself. As I walked outside, the phone rang. It was Lincoln, wanting Allan right away. I handed Allan the phone and he got the news from his brother what happened to TC. We left my kids and went to the hospital. As we walked in, it was amazing. The ER was packed with about 60 people from the singles ward, and about 20 family members, all for TC. Everyone had decided to fast, and I couldn't fast, and I was hungry. We hadn't told ANYONE that I was pregnant yet, because it just happened, and it didn't seem like the time. So we let one person know, TC's friend, and he went and got me food, and sat with me outside while I ate. We didn't talk much, and I was relieved when Allan came out and started talking to him. This friend was with him when the accident happened, and I later found out that he felt somewhat responsible for it, even though, it would've happened anyways. We left the hospital earlier than anyone else, to put the kids to bed, and relieve the babysitter.

On the way home from the hospital, Allan and I had the weirdest feelings. I remember passing the Spring Mountain exit on the freeway, and we were talking about how he wouldn't make it. We just knew it. Then we started talking about the baby growing inside of me. We both knew, without a doubt, it was a boy. We had named it that night, after TC. Taylor Clifford Rogers. TC always wanted us to name a baby after him, and we thought this was just the perfect time. True to his namesake, he has his uncle's personality. He is a mama's boy. He is a go getter. He is STUBBORN. He has dimples that he can just turn off and on to get what he wants. He has light blonde curles. He has big bright blue eyes. Becky tells me that she thinks that there was another baby meant for us, but TC was able to over rule that and hand pick one just for us. I like that thought. I always had heard as one life goes out, one new life comes in. I've never seen it first hand, and experienced it. It was a neat time. I felt like I was doing something really important, and I just didn't understand what yet.

During TC's hospital stay, Allan set up a Facebook page, and a blog so that Cliff and Becky weren't bombarded with phone calls wanting updates. Allan kept up with the Facebook updates, and Cliff and Becky got really good at blogging! They wrote down, every day his vital signs and what news the doctors brought them, and what surgeries he had. Later on in the blog, they wrote down more profound sentiments. Not only that, people were encouraged to submit stories and pictures of TC to share with his parents, and with everyone else that reads it. Please take the time to read it. It really is a testimony building thing to read. http://tcrogers.wordpress.com/ and  http://tcstories.wordpress.com/ (for the submitted stories). It's amazing to us that it still gets hundreds of visits a month! I'm glad that we were all able to contribute to this blog and leave it for others to read and maybe learn something during their own difficult experience.

During this experience, the testimonies of my husband and I have been tested, but we're grateful for that test, because we're able to have another reminder of the truth of the gospel. Some people just know, and don't need a reminder, and some people do. I think, sometimes, Allan and I get caught up so much in the goings on of the day, that we forget, so it's wonderful to have pictures of Christ around the house to remind us. Also, though, it's nice to have pictures of TC around the house, because it reminds us of that experience, and even through the difficulties, there were blessings.

I often think about how it would be right now, if he were alive. Lincoln brought it up on Sunday, that he too thinks about what he would be doing, or saying to us all right now, if it was just any other day, and he was alive. We know he would walk through their door, on Sunday, and yell to try to scare the kids......and me.......HA! He would be so involved in Allan and I buying our first home and helping us plan that out. He would be, hopefully, engaged or at least dating a wonderful girl and thinking about getting married. He would probably be making fun of how Lincoln and Cecilia train their dogs, since that's what he was doing the Sunday before he passed away. HA! He would still stop by and play with his nephew's and niece and laugh at all of the funny things that Sarah and Luke are saying, and provoking Taylor to beat them up like he does now. He would just be TC. I miss him. But I know he is with our family every day. I know that he is with Sarah especially. She was 3 when he passed away, I think. She'll be 5 in September. She still remembers everything about him, and always asks if we can go visit him soon. Hard to explain that to a 4 year old. You think they understand that they can't right now, but soon.........but she doesn't.

We miss you and love you TC. We can't wait to all be together again soon.